Candid Emotions of a New Mom

“So, how does it feel to be a mother?” I was asked this question by almost everyone I spoke to just days after giving birth to my darling daughter, Prisha. “Oh, I am ecstatic. It’s such an extraordinary feeling.” I answered in the exact words people expect the answer to be. But was I completely honest? No.

If movies and books are to be believed, there is a switch inside a woman’s body that automatically turns on when she reproduces a life. The switch makes her a delightful, happy mother who knows exactly what needs to be done with the baby. All the physical pain, supposedly, disappears with one look at the baby. And, no, there are no headaches or complains, whatsoever. Call it the magic of motherhood that makes everything just perfect, apparently.

The Beginning: Too Many Emotions

So, was I not happy? I wouldn’t say so. The right answer to people’s question about how I was feeling would have been “I don’t know.” Honestly, I was in a rather confused state of emotions for a good part of the first month of becoming a mother. I found it really hard to describe the feeling because there were just too many complex emotions at play.

One sees new mothers sharing happy pictures with their one-day old baby, telling the world how it’s all wonderful. And there I was wondering why my emotions weren’t in order as they should have been. I was feeling the blues.

There’s so much going on in the first phase of motherhood that it’s difficult to pick on state of mind and label it as your feeling. At least, it was for me. Or maybe, it is so for a lot of other new mothers. But not many open up and talk about their bare emotions. Since one hears nothing or very little about the real facts, a new mom is expected to be all gleeful. When I wrote on a social media platform about how I truly felt, a lot of women came forth and agreed about the initial chaos and mixed emotions they had experienced.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Of course, you hear a plenty about the physical pain involved in a delivery but no one really prepares you for what there is to come emotionally.

Let me begin with the birthing process. I had some complications since the beginning of the third trimester, which meant bed rest for three months. We knew a normal delivery was a distant dream. Now, don’t believe people who tell you that caesarean is an easy-breezy alternative with the only caveat of having to rest longer than in normal delivery. The pain might be relatively lesser but undemanding it certainly isn’t. To bring out a life is a miracle involving pain, no matter which route you take.

Your world changes inside and out. The body undergoes so many changes rapidly during and after birth, but your mind takes time to catch up. Your body is efficient to produce milk for the baby, but your mind is still boggled over how you’re going to manage it all! “Am I suitable enough to be a mother?” This question pops up in the minds of more new mothers than you would think.

Clarity Sets In

What helped me? Talking about it. I shared my raw emotions with a couple of my trusted friends who had become mothers recently. My family was, of course, my strength during this period but speaking to someone who has experienced something similar recently helps. I followed their suggestions and took time to take little breaks for myself. Deep breaths and meditation came to my aid to slow down mentally.

It was not before the end of two months that I could “feel” my feelings! Before this, my smile was adulterated by worried, anxious, and tired emotions. In two months, I got a hang of things concerning the baby. It’s not that everything was magically set out straight. But it seemed like that was the time my mind took to catch up!

Prisha is almost six months old now. I can tell you I am genuinely living the best phase of my life so far. I heartily laugh with her, capture her childhood in amusing photo shoots and have fun with her. I have now learnt the art of not getting overwhelmed by small things that managed to bother me to no end initially. It is now that I am wholly “feeling” the magic of motherhood!

TIPS FOR NEW MOTHERS:

Remember, postpartum depression is real and common. Talk about it.
First month is toughest.
Don’t expect magic – transformation from being a woman to a mother takes time.
Have a support system around you. Your friends, who are new mothers, are your best bet.
If you need help, ask. Sometimes, people assume you’re okay on your own when you’re not.

First published in the March issue of Child India magazine